The Weapon of the Future is you!

It's so important to recognize in our lives the patterns of learned behaviors, familial & social.
Step 1: is awareness. Step 2: we embrace the many how's to change those patterns beginning with ourselves, minute by minute and ultimately working to rise above the unhealthy, hurtful behaviors that we have adopted, share and pass on through our examples. Step 3: ACT not REACT. Practice treating others the way you want to be treated, when you aren't sure what to do, look to someone you admire who handles situations in a respectable way and CHOOSE their example..

 "Thus, be a good example at all times, in all things and in all places". It's a good start everyday is a new start; and at the end of each day it is a win-win!
-It's not just the weapon of the future, it is the future and more importantly, IT is your contribution.

Words Matter. Inner dialog matters, the words you accept to truth and even mumble matter. This is the most empowering and useful tool to moving into a place of awareness and grow that you will ever be able to implement for yourself. When you change how you think, you can change anything to the way you perceive it can be! ..."I AM SONYA"

Why are happy people thankful ones as well?

Could you imagine having everything you ever wanted? All at once, all the splendor of life, in the palm of your hands with no exchange for it whatsoever. Would it actually be a dream come true? What do you feel when you think when you imagine it all.

Realistically thinking though, what feelings muster within when you fantasize and dream, make plans and engage your life force energy in and about something. The mere fact you can conceptualize separates us from all other species on the planet today. And what is it to acknowledge that in doing so you create a deliberate say to your present experience and future life. It’s miraculous to realize that you are a creator in what you long dream of receiving into your reality. Having it just handed to you though dispels so much more in the entire purpose and want of all imagination and ability would be lost.

How about this, the actual thought about how want and desires actually serve us?

In a very distinct way Desires serve us in a way that giveus depth to our ability to savor moment by moment, day by day, year by year and experience by experience. To not have anything to look forward to would really change the face of reality, our relationships and need for one another and the whole of the mortal journey.

Being thankful in our want and in present stewardship means you have the opportunity to learn and grow, to exercise patience and break larger things down into smaller and smaller pieces but then build them up without measure. To expand vision and perspective, see and recognize common and uncommon limitations but overall, provide the opportunity for improvement, contribution and growth.

Seeing every challenge with the eyes of gratitude even the things you are still hoping for allows you to step out of fear and anxiety and into excitement and hope. It opens the way and possibility of infinite outcomes that on our best day we may never have imagined. It utilizes opposition and error, strength and character and even in our mistakes it breathes light and life into the learned sage of wisdom through reflection over time. The value of those lessons are at the end of the day, priceless indeed and leave me full of want and joy!

Say what you mean!

I have always been an avid fan of "words", they are our bridges to one another and our understanding. As an advocate of communication, I have often disputed that the words we choose to use matter more that we realize. More often than not we fail to give heed to meanings, how they are interpreted by others and most importantly the secondary message that they are sending.

How many of you guys have asked a woman a question and you get a totally different answer besides a yes or no. Yet, you know what she is actually saying to you has very little to do with what she said. That is either mind reading at its best or you speak "Secondary Message". Now I know this isn't an isolated event practiced by women alone, all are guilty. Here is an example:

  • "Are you in the mood for..." / instead of saying "I am in the mood for..."
  • "Are you  hungry"/ instead of saying, "I am feeling hungry"
  • "Is it cold in here"/ instead "I am cold" or "can you turn on the heat".

This meme is a great example of what you think you know and what you really think about when you read "the words".

But why not just use the actual words though and say what you mean? Well, because there are those who do understand the power of the secondary message and they use that. But do you see it when it happening to you or you are the one doing it. -There are also some of us who are just unaware that we do this all together.

However, the Secondary message exists in everything and in this specific meme reading those word can make you think on it otherwise, in being less direct (precision of language please) it often ties to our emotion or a standard of expectations and thus it gets more compliance from the whole based on such notions. Kind of like what happens when you read a head line and basically have been led to believe the idea of something rather than all the facts.Back to the meme though.

Ok, so really, who doesn't like the feeling or idea that your government is doing the job you appointed them to do and taking care of us and the common wealth. The reality is that you, your hard work and tax dollars fund the government, and how do you feel about the way someone else spends your money? Even if it was just a neighbor, a friend, a child or a stranger. Is that getting a little more personal than just "The Government".

Yes, all, just something to think about when you read, hear and process words. Not just those but all.

I challenge you to listen more closely to the words, terms and phrases you have so blissfully become used to hearing and saying. Challenge the meaning behind them, grow and live a deliberate life. Say what you really mean, respectfully, softly but also bold.

It's actually quite fun when you start to realize the secondary message and in reality how unnecessarily more complicated we make things.

Have a good day! (and I am not just saying that). 

Live that life of Love

What really makes our lives matter?

It is how we have passed the moments we have been provided. Did we truly live, or rather cower in fear, did we judge another and excuse our follies at the cost of minimizing the worth of someone else  or maybe conclude that they are simply wrong by opinion, did we lift the weary or extend a hand to the weak. Did we love as we are wired to do so.

 ...Life is precious!

We all to often take for granted things we feel will always be there. We forsake the opportunity to show who we are and acknowledge another who is truly not as different from us as we try to convince ourselves. Remember we only have one life, but a lifetime is the compilation of the moments and the things that we do with the breathe we are presently gifted. We can make a difference when we choose to give rather that to take.

How disappointment is a stepping stone and how we can honor it.

Disappointment as a stepping stone. 

Disappointment is something we all feel from time to time. As unpleasant as it may be, disappointment like all else has an important role in our development. It is a part of the experiential whole that stays our equality as human beings. Where disappointment can hurt us deeply, it also has the potential to cultivate our hope. 

There are times when the disappointments we feel, can conjure up emotions so intense, they may seem beyond our very capacity to manage. As true as this may be, it is reassuring to know that as emotional it is, it will not, and cannot take hold of you, without you giving it way. 

The truth is, we make that choice to steep in our emotions or not, so we must be careful. Energy flows where focus goes and as such, it will continue to drive your emotions and ultimately determine how you feel. 

What a comfort it is to know that happiness and sorrow, cannot co-exist. At any present moment, you are simply either in a state of joy or you are not. Granted, there are gradient levels of our feelings that will always require consideration, but I say with great reassurance, if it is happiness that you seek, then happiness can always be found within the spectrum of gratitude. One's reality is always subjective to perception. Why is that, and how can anything be right in such case? It is because the energy given towards your thoughts will drive emotion, is that is what will manifest. Those thoughts you have and focus on, will always determine the outcome of your feelings.

We are creatures of feeling and instinct, programmed to respond in a mode of fight or flight for the sole purpose of assisting in our survival. To parallel that, we are also programed to be content and safe. So our brain, an ally, directs us to seek the sensation of satisfaction and peace.

So what we can do different: Remember the smallest deviation in our behavior can bring about the greatest change.

I would encourage you, and anyone you know, to try your very best to stay in harmony with the emotions and feelings that support the outcome and results you want to see in your life. 

Remembering that disappointment is merely a stepping stone on our journey. Do not lose site, never give up, and understand that you cannot "lose" hope, but by your actions it can be dismissed. 

It is true when there is a will, there is a way. Things take time, and whether immediate or somewhere in a hard to see future, your collective moments permit you to evaluate efforts and breed encouragement by simply doing your best. 

Remind yourself from time to time that the lives we live are rich with experience both of challenges and joy. In the momentum of life, there will always be ups and downs. 

So keep trying, keep moving. You cannot move forward and backward simultaneously. But what you concentrate on will produce the results of your application. Let your thoughts, hopes and dreams continue to support and instigate the life you want to create, share and live. 
And last, honor disappointment for what it is. It is a constant element in life, but give it credit where it is due. Honor your feelings, love yourself and let go of the things that get in the way of what it is you want to feel. There is always, "that next step" to you getting what it is that you truly desire.

Life, happens collectively, but overcoming disappointment requires you to take one thought, one second, one moment at a time, to ultimately get you to the the contentment and satisfaction you are looking for in the now and moving forward.

"Maybe Yes, May be No..."

The Parable of the Chinese Farmer 

Once there was a Chinese farmer who worked his poor farm together with his son and their horse. When the horse ran off one day, neighbors came to say, “How unfortunate for you!” The farmer replied, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

When the horse returned, followed by a herd of wild horses, the neighbors gathered around and exclaimed, “What good luck for you!” The farmer stayed calm and replied, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

While trying to tame one of wild horses, the farmer’s son fell, and broke his leg. He had to rest up and couldn’t help with the farm chores. “How sad for you,” the neighbors cried. “Maybe yes, maybe no,” said the farmer.

Shortly thereafter, a neighboring army threatened the farmer’s village. All the young men in the village were drafted to fight the invaders. Many died. But the farmer’s son had been left out of the fighting because of his broken leg. People said to the farmer, “What a good thing your son couldn’t fight!” “Maybe yes, maybe no,” was all the farmer said.


I have had the opportunity to teach the principle of judging decisions on occasion. This has to be one of my more favorite concepts that we all somehow fail to realize. However, once you become aware of it, it becomes a wonderful tool to use in self-love, acceptance, building confidence and helping our understanding of things around us.

Like this parable, the farmer leans towards an attitude of acceptance rather than judgement. Maybe it is generalizing, but I do believe we tend to toil over decision making. But if that weren't enough, when the outcome of our decision is less than expected. We then proceed to beat ourselves up for making what we now classify as the "WRONG" decision, and berate ourselves for our masterful ability to make poor choices with amazing consistency.

I dare say, but this is an absolute falsehood; and I will explain. 

-We make hundreds and thousands of decisions on a daily bases. To say that we cannot make good choices is really something that needs to be reflected on accurately. More than likely, the evidence of your decision making experiences would prove a greater rate in successful choices than not. So what goes wrong? Is it us, is it the experience itself, or is it actually in the expectation.

Well, the truth is, we err in our tendency to judge a decision based on its outcome, rather than the information that we used to make it in the first place. 

...Let's say you are in a bit of a hurry, so you choose to drive down a back road to avoid the rush hour traffic in the hopes of saving some time. You approach the street, and make your turn to find that there is a road crew fixing a pot hole in right in the middle of the street. 
They stop you, and you find yourself delayed by the work before you now, rather than the rush hour traffic after all. 
So now, be honest, what would you say to yourself. What does your inner-self dialogue truly sound like, and yes, how do you now perceive the success of your decision. 

This is where we stand to open our understanding. For with all the facts in place, you had no idea that they were there, nor would you have any reason to have expected them working on the back street at that particular moment. 

Had they not been, would you have praised yourself for your clever and quick wit thinking. Or when things did and do not go your way, do you then beat yourself up as if you should've been expected to have had more, or better information than actually you did? 

So what is my point and what should we bring to the table the next time you make a decision. It is simple. Make the best decision that you can in the moment that you have with whatever information is available. Do it with the acceptance that in all actuality, you do not have control of any outcome. This is the reality that we all live in. Choices are good in the moment which you do your best making them. If they do not go your way, remember, there is something to be learned. They (the outcomes) are always opportunities of learning and growth, but judge it to be nothing more. 

We are all human, and there will always exist a natural consequence to the things we do. Those too, are opportunities to grow, good or bad. But praise yourself for making decisions, and have the awareness to grow from each and every one. This is your life, your moment, and you and I, well all of us are all working to become the best self we can be one decision at a time.



I am so in love with this word.
 ...It & it's definition is embedded within my soul. 

...Sometimes even beautiful words sufficient, can only sing meaning. 
but accomplish nothing more without the soul.   -sj


How does one come about the friendship we call "the best".  I struggle to find balance in a world where we are all so beautifully unique, yet at the same time everything we interpret in life is subject to perception. As a result of this there truly cannot exist any one uniform aspect of reason. Rain or shine, trouble or peace, hurt or excited, to truly never be alone is quite the feat. One of the most common complaints of youth today in recent studies show the overwhelming sense that they are truly alone.

The Great Two:
I love these two and ponder what and from where is the source of their magic.
Maybe, the real beauty behind Calvin and Hobbs is the lack of vulnerability that exists in a friend who you know with surety is always there, even when you don't want them to be, but in the most perfect way they still are.
The friend that who without anything but comforting words can take from the weight of our daily load. Who can call you out without hurt or offense. ...IT goes on. 
Given enough thought, I'd say we all need to nurture the little part of Calvin and Hobbs inside each of us that we can, and adapt that, into all aspects of the relationships we have the privilege of being a part of.

Where there are so many people in this world. How fortunate are we to have the ones in our lives that we do. When given the odds, it seems like no encounter, no kind word, shared moment and lifetime involvement to have possibly been an accident of misfortune.

Treasure this! I know I will do my best to as well. Maybe one day I'll find my very own Hobbs as well.

WANTED: Good Leaders Now

 I admire so much these qualities. I hope it to be said of my life I embodied and magnified them.

Goodwill Hunting

When trying to understand "a feeling" I was having, the only word that I could really connect with it was Gratitude. It seems I think about this in so many different ways, but it is a constant
...The more I dwelled, the more I had to acknowledge the countless layers this word actually represents; and the time it takes to explore them all is plenty. So I started here:
How long does it really take to understand the practice of "Cognitive Gratitude"?
-These benefits and quantified moments and what they look like collectively, was the direction I seemed to be going.

These question also made me wonder if we understand the real significance of "a moment".

In reality, it takes milliseconds for that focus to shift but also to be lost. How can something so powerful also be so fleeting?
I decided for myself at least that once you arrive at that place in your thinking, suddenly it becomes peculiar to be thankful for something so specific you didn't even realize you were missing. Unexplainably, the smallest, least expected moments are the ones that change you in ways your logic cannot reason. What I take from all this thinking is how crude gratitude creates an intangible feeling words cannot describe.

...There are so many things to which we can give our attention, our time and focus.
Why waste our "moments".
As the New Year approaches I will hold-on to this desire. To let nothing keep me from collecting the moments that weave the tapestry of my life.
Would it hurt any of us to try and find something good in everything.
If you’re ever going to take a chance or a risk, this is the one that cannot fail you; and if you decide to do it now, but think you can't, choose too! ~Namaste~ <3 p="">


When the mind bleeds out

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."
~ Ernest Hemingway


I am looking

"I am looking for the human who admits his flaws Who shocks the adversary by being kinder not stronger."

What would that be like? 

We don't even know." 

Naomi Shihab Nye 


"T H A N K S G I V I N G   A N D   T R U T H"

I have to admit that there is truly something drives me from within, to thirst after truth and understanding. I don't know if this is something unique within myself, or maybe everyone experiences this and the only difference is the way it manifests itself each of us. For me, it intensifies without provocation and sometimes it's something that I read, hear or learn that leaves me feeling like there is something being withheld from my understanding and it puts my gears into drive. When I have attained enough of the right information to calm those curiosities, that feeling subsides, and if there is more that I need to learn, it remains.
None the less, THANKSGIVING really is a jem of a day that I am so thankful to have on our calander. I'm sure many of you would agree that you are thankful daily and offer that thanks in your own ways. You probably would also agree that it doesn't change things for you just because we have this holiday to focus on that gratitude. However, if we didnt have it, things would be different.
I am really thankful for the change in pace, thinking, feelings and thoughts that the celebration of Thanksgiving provides. The focus that returns to the home and the family. To our health, our faith and homes.
Having said that, I complete a means of addmission and awareness.
 Last but least I admitt to myself this truth that I haven't written on my blog for sometime. Why, because Life has been so hard, and so busy, so full, so empty, so "LIFE"(generally speaking), ...yet it has also been a bless-ed one. My internalizing so many thoughts and feelings over this time, that even my journal has taken a severe blow. I may have needed that fast, I may need a little more but I do feel a shift inside that needed time to grow. I will nurture this and continue, in thanks to move forward and remain as always, at the end of every day, GRATEFUL, GRATEFUL, GRATEFUL!  

By: Maria Jeffrey | November 24, 2016

As we celebrate Thanksgiving today, you may think that the gathering of family and friends over a feast has its roots with the Thanksgiving the pilgrims celebrated in Massachusetts in 1621. But there are other historical claims to the first Thanksgiving in America. Here’s one such story you might not know:

When Captain John Woodlief and 35 settlers landed on the banks of the James River in Virginia on Dec. 4, 1619, they got to their knees and prayed: “We ordain that this day of our ships arrival, at the place assigned for plantacon [sic], in the land of Virginia, shall be yearly and perpetually kept holy as a day of Thanksgiving to Almighty God.”

Before setting sail from England, Captain Woodlief had been instructed by his employers at the Berkeley Company to say a prayer of thanksgiving upon safe arrival and to establish a yearly tradition of doing so.

Thanksgiving: An open call to prayer
Over a year later, the Plymouth pilgrims celebrated the iconic harvest festival in Massachusetts. It was an impromptu event, and wasn’t intended to be a yearly affair like the Berkeley Thanksgiving. But for decades, American children have been taught that we celebrate Thanksgiving in the tradition of the Plymouth pilgrims in Massachusetts. Barely anyone is aware of the Virginia claim to the first Thanksgiving.


In 1962, President John F. Kennedy issued a Thanksgiving proclamation, specifically crediting the Massachusetts pilgrims: “Over three centuries ago in Plymouth, on Massachusetts Bay, the Pilgrims established the custom of gathering together each year to express their gratitude to God for the preservation of their community and for the harvests their labors brought forth in the new land. Thanksgiving Day has ever since been part of the fabric which has united Americans with their past, with each other and with the future of all mankind.”

A Virginia state Senator, John J. Wicker, noticed the nod to the Massachusetts settlers and notified President Kennedy of the Virginia claim to the first Thanksgiving:

“Your Presidential Proclamation erroneously credits Massachusetts Pilgrims with America’s First Thanksgiving observance. As we demonstrated a year ago to the Governor of Massachusetts by original historical records of the Congressional Library, America’s First Thanksgiving was actually celebrated in Virginia in 1619 more than a year before the Pilgrims ever landed. And nearly two years before the Massachusetts Thanksgiving. Virginia’s claim was officially recognized by President Abraham Lincoln nearly a century ago and further substantiated by historian Dabney’s comprehensive article in the November 29, 1958 Saturday Evening Post. As a matter of fairness, please issue an appropriate correction.”
The famed historian Arthur Schlesinger Jr., working in the White House at the time as a close aide to President Kennedy, replied to Senator Wicker:

“The President has asked me to reply to your telegram about the Thanksgiving Proclamation statement. You are quite right, and I can only plead an unconquerable New England bias on the part of the White House staff. We are all grateful to you for reminding us of the Berkeley Hundred Thanksgiving: and I can assure you that the error will not be repeated in the future.”
To JFK’s credit, his Thanksgiving Proclamation in 1963 included the Virginia claim to the first Thanksgiving. But what was said was said, and that bell could not be un-rung. The Mayflower story quickly became one of the foundational American tales that all children learn and never forget.

Except on the James River. Graham Woodlief, a direct descendent of Captain Woodlief, has made sure the memory of the Berkeley Company’s Thanksgiving stays alive at Berkeley Plantation in central Virginia: every year since 1958, the Virginia Thanksgiving Festival is held on the first Sunday of November to commemorate Captain John Woodlief’s historical contribution to celebrating Thanksgiving in America.

Good ship Margaret
So does it ever bother Woodlief that most Americans are unaware of the Margaret and historical significance of Charles City, Va.?

“The Virginia Thanksgiving Festival organization’s mission is to ‘set the record straight’ and educate people, including children, about this historic event,” Woodlief told Conservative Review.

He said that this year, the Virginia Thanksgiving Festival also worked with Central Virginia Public Broadcasting to produce a documentary. It was picked up by 199 PBS stations across the country and will reach 216 million American homes over Thanksgiving this year. Woodlief said they hope to get the documentary in the education system as well.

“If we continue to do these things, perhaps we can change the perception of where the first Thanksgiving really occurred,” Graham Woodlief stated.

- See more at: 

3 Nephi 11:29
For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devilwho is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away. 

My Wish For You...

He is exactly the poem I wanted to write. -Mary Oliver

As I stare at the pen in my hand I know not from where The Scribe shall emerge, the life I live is one symbolic of an endless melody of dreams and hopes, love notes, cards, doodles, letters, scratches, scribbles, sentiments unspoken and overall the story of writers block. I hear my breath inside, it is heavy and labored and I set down my pen now for I am afraid to write more.

To be or not to be?

WORDS - Clinomania

One of a Kind is anything but Ordinary!

Eyes Wide Opened

Present yet totally Lost in my thoughts. I think I have determined the sensation of being lost & overwhelmed lies somewhere between the awareness of where we stand and the seemingly intangible shore before us.



I love learning and I LOVE learning words: new words and old words in conjunction of their true meanings. Words are magical, they build you, others and our understanding. They take you to unimaginable places, create context when nothing else is present. Imply and Infer and have power to open hearts and minds, peace and fulfillment. They create bonds and stir the soul, they can convey things from long past and paint a canvas for a future to come. They provide support, hope, save lives and direct journeys, they can pull from the deepest corner of ones soul, power unimaginable to the conscious mind. I believe in WORDS, but like a pair of legs, so are our actions. We must be responsible and accountable to our words. Unleash love and communication from them and nothing else.

I will post words w the WOI as they come and go!

(WOI) are my posts called WORDS OF INTEREST

Search Results

  1. lex·i·cog·ra·phy
    1. the practice of compiling dictionaries.




While the picture is a little scandalous, I can appreciate the message!

Baker Dam



This particular day we had spent most of our time at home doing, working, cleaning and just attending to forgotten things around the house. All though it was quite productive, each individually and as a whole, we decided not let the whole day burn away. The sands of time weren't s lowing, and it was time to get out for a bit. 

It's always eventful when it is time for one of our random, spontaneous adventures we enjoy doing together so much. So we hopped in the car, flipped a coin and headed in the winning direction of our coin toss, to see something, and somewhere we had not ventured before. After we skimmed the pavement for a while, there was a turn off coming upon us. Was this it?  "Welcome to Baker Dam" the sign announced. Somehow they had been expecting us?!
 We took our turn and drove a steady pace as not to miss a thing. At the end of the sagebrush and pinion pine lined drive, and a sharp turn, this is what we found. 
We drove ourselves around imagining in ways that we had the 4 wheeling capabilities we could only long for from our trusted little sedan. We looked about, saw a father fishing with their child, birds sailing, fish leaping, pastel pink cacti in brilliant bloom, campsites and trails to accommodate.  We did enjoy this new local treasure and its surroundings. The payoff was a fantastic time, priceless fun, forever memories and the signature from God of his Sons amazing creations, the heavens blanketed with the skilled quilters craftsmanship of a beautiful sunset. 

I have been so blessed in so may ways, but nothing compares to my family. It's an eternal one as well. :) For that knowledge and blessing, I would not trade for all the rubies of the earth.

Note the photos with the armies of the bugs. I was initially startled that they were starving mosquitos on the keen prowl for our warm blood. What ever these were though, they were indeed many. Together they orchestrated a light static buzz in the air, yet didn't so much as bother any of us. It was very hard for them to go unnoticed though. Our confidence in them was secured with the rolling-up of our windows and giving them the better portion of space. One could only assume they were already home and we at the least their welcomed visitors.

Life: How to Make the Most of It.

I love this article. This resonated a lot of my awareness, my way of thinking and perspectives on things as a whole.

Life: How to Make the Most of It.

So many of us never (truly) make the best of our lives. I do not believe that this is the result of the individual's faults and failures but is at least partially caused by the earliest indoctrinations and misinformation given us.

The target of this piece is to motivate us to leave the negative and harmful by the wayside and take charge of our own destinies.

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In my opinion happiness isn't something that you are born with. Happiness is something that happens through a series of experiences, habits and realizations over the course of your life.  This isn't a guide to try and fix people who are clinically depressed, but a series of things I have learned over my life that have shaped the way I look at life and the world.  It is my experience that the more positive habits you have in your life, the more emotional happiness you will experience.  Instead of telling you things you should do to increase your emotional satisfaction, I’ve created a list of bad habits you should try to correct.  Not only will they make you happier, they will also make you a better person.
Chronic Complaining The one thing that happy, successful people don't do a lot of is complaining. While it is psychologically beneficial to vent when you are under stress, there is a difference between small venting sessions and being a chronic complainer. The chronic complainer tends to always have something wrong in their life, their issues are more important than everybody elses, and when you have something to vent about yourself, they aren't very interested in listening. Everybody gets dealt a hand in life. Some get dealt better hands than others, but at the end of the day this is the hand of cards that is yours.   Chronic complainers tend to complain about their job, their significant other, how little money they make or how something wasn't fair.  I have news for you, anybody anywhere has hundreds of things they could complain about at any given time.  If you are a chronic complainer, quit whining and talk about the things that are positive in your life and focus on what is good.  If you have a problem, sit down and work out a solution.  Constant complaining does nothing but push your friends away and keep you in that dark unhappy place. You have good in your life, find it, and share it. [5]
Retail Therapy Life is about experiences, however so many people get caught up in materialistic items that they forget what truly makes us happy.  Sure the latest gadget may make you feel good for the evening, but that high is temporary, and you will be back chasing that retail high shortly after.  Get out and experience the world.  If you can't afford to get away, become a tourist in your own city.  Skydive, bungee jump, go to the beach alone, take a hike on an unknown trail, go up to a complete stranger and invite them for coffee, hell… read a book; there are so many things you could be doing that will enrich your life that doesn't involve buying things.

Binge Drinking Alcohol can be hard to avoid. It is present in almost every social situation.  As most people know alcohol is a depressant.  While alcohol can help loosen you up in these social situations, drinking excessively on a regular basis can cause all sorts of havoc on your life.  Since alcohol is a depressant, the following day after drinking yourself silly usually results in a pretty unproductive day.  Not only does this lead to the feeling like you have wasted a day, it also leads to poor eating decisions and lack of exercise.[6][9]
Worrying About the Future No matter what you do, you only have so much impact on what the future has in store for you.  Could you get laid off? Maybe.  Could you catch a life threatening disease? Yup.  The thing is, you have very little control over whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about it.  As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you should be focused on what is going on in your life now.  Focus on what you are doing this second, if you hate it, do something else. Right now I'm looking outside, it is sunny and my cat is rubbing up against my leg. I couldn't be happier.
Waiting for the Future Much like worrying about the future, many people focus on future events instead of what is going on right now. The chain of thought usually starts like this:
When you are in high school, you think you will be happy when you graduate. Once you've graduated, you think you will be happy once you land a good job.  Once you have the dream job, you think you will be happy when you are married.   Next you think you will be happy when you have kids.  Once you have kids, you think you will be happy when they move out of the house. Next it will be when they have kids.  Before you know it you will have spent your entire life waiting for events to bring you happiness just to realize life (and happiness) has passed you by.
 Lack of Hobbies Before I even get started, your job, house cleaning and watching TV are NOT hobbies.  Hobbies are activities that you can become passionate about.  Hobbies are something that you can do when you have three hours of free time on a Thursday night.  Hobbies are skills that could potentially earn you money if you become good enough at them.  Happy people tend to have hobbies, whether your hobby is kick boxing, playing the guitar, or even basket weaving.  Hobbies give you something to do with your free time and give you some time for YOU. This is time you are investing in yourself. Group hobbies also have the added benefit of giving you additional socializing time.  
 Eating Poorly Making bad food choices or eating too much is not only bad for your health, it can make you feel lethargic, guilty, depressed and when done for extended periods of time typically results in gained weight.  Unfortunately eating poorly is a vicious cycle.  Often times people eat to self medicate when they are feeling down.  They feel great for a few minutes while they eat their delicious treats, but then feel guilt afterwards, followed by lack of energy and reduced productivity.  Eating healthy not only makes you have more energy, it also makes you look better, which makes you feel better about yourself.  Contrary to what the millions of fitness magazines out there will tell you, 90% of how you look is determined by what and how much food you put in your body, not how much time you spend running on a treadmill.  Eat right, look great, and feel great.[7] [8]
Talking Poorly of Others “Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.” ~Fran Lebowitz
Next time you go out, listen to what people talk about.  Are you spending your time gossiping or talking about other people.  Unhappy people get caught up talking about other people instead of talking about things such as ideas or current events.  
Unhappy people also have a tendency to judge others.  "Look what that idiot is doing!. "Can you believe what she is wearing".  If you catch yourself judging somebody you don't know, bite your tongue.  Trashing somebody else might make you feel better for a moment, but all you are doing is masking your insecurities by trying to put them beneath you.  Instead, try complimenting others, at first it might be hard, but it will make you feel good and will make you a much more desirable person to be around.
Holding Grudges Harbouring animosity towards somebody is like carrying around a backpack full of rocks.  You don't have a problem carrying it, but it is a load on your back, and life sure would be easier if you could just take it off.  Do yourself a favour, forgive.  This doesn't mean you need to become best buds with whomever has done you wrong, but come to terms with what has happened and understand that people make mistakes.  Forgiving will help free you of anxiety,  stress and depression and allow you to have happier relationships. Free yourself of the hate, and move on.[4]
Stop Learning “The moment you stop learning, you stop leading.” - Rick Warren
It isn't hard to become complacent in life.  You've spent so much time going to school to eventually get a job that learning sometimes takes a backseat to life.  Learning doesn't need to be a chore.   Just like hobbies, get out there and learn about something you are passionate about.  Like mexican food? Sweet, start reading about it and practice making five star restaurant quality mexican food.  Learning new things not only gives you things to talk about in social environments, it also helps improve your self worth, which leads to happiness.
Not Following Through It is easy to sit on the couch and make a list of things you want or plan to do.  Actually getting up off the couch and doing them takes a lot more energy. They say that taking the first step is always the hardest part with any plan.  Quit making excuses and walk the walk, nobody is going to do it for you.  Want to go back to school? Pick up the phone and register.  Want to lose 10 lbs? Get in your car and drive to the gym. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Quit letting the first step hold you back.
Hating Your Job 
Fact: Most people have to work to survive. Fact: The average full time work week is 40 hours.  With two weeks vacation most people work 1920 hours per year. ...If you are going to spend 1920 hours per year working, please make an attempt to like your job.  Since you will be spending 22.4% of your entire year (yes that includes sleeping hours) you better like what you are doing.  Now, before you jump to conclusions that you hate your job, think to yourself, "Do I really hate my job, or have i just complained about it to others so much that I think I do?".  
So many people love their job when they first start.  As time goes on, co-workers start to complain about things, and then you start to find little things that bother you, then soon enough everybody's complaining has amalgamated into this giant ball of hate.  Next thing you know you are blaming your job for your unhappiness.  If this is your situation, you can either A) Start telling yourself something you love about your job daily, and make sure you relay this to your co-workers in an attempt to learn to re-love your job or B) If it is too late, and the damage is done, move on to a similar job elsewhere and do everything you can to keep things positive from the get go.
In the event you genuinely hate your job and doing it another day is going to cause you endless grief, simply take the plunge, and move on.  Being unhappy for close to a quarter or your life just isn't worth it.[10]
Loneliness (How you Choose to Socialize) One of the biggest causes of unhappiness is loneliness.  I'm not referring to having somebody special in your life; having a significant other doesn't mean you won't be lonely.  Being lonely generally stems from lack of social stimulation.  The technology age is definitely perpetuating this by means of text messaging, Facebook, Twitter and other 'Social Networks'.  People are so addicted to these forms of social technology that they forget humans require real genuine human interaction. Socially insecure people tend to gravitate to online socializing because they have more control over the amount and timing of their interactions.  Reducing face to face interactions tends to reduce social anxiety for less extroverted individuals. Unfortunately staying within your comfort zone, limits personal growth, and prevents the development of valuable face to face relationships.[11]
Don't have something to do tonight? Instead of commenting on everybody's Facebook statuses, give somebody a call and go out for a drink, you would be surprised how much better it feels to talk to a real life physical human being.  
If you are single and feel like you need a significant other to be happy, I am going to be blunt,  YOU ARE WRONG.  You can't be in a healthy relationship until you are happy independently.  Using somebody else as a crutch for your happiness is a one way trip to an unhealthy relationship.  If you are struggling to find a companion, stop looking in bars and stop looking online.  Consider joining activity clubs for singles or participate in a group activity that encourages socialization.  You will meet like minded people who share more in common with you that booze or Facebook friends.
Letting Negative Thoughts Enter Your Mind In the past I had this problem.  Negative thoughts would enter my  mind and I would let them stick around.  They would then sit there, fester and take control of my emotions and my happiness.  This got to the point I actually spoke to my doctor about it and he gave me this advice.  When these thoughts enter your head, immediately think of something else.  You choose what you think about, and the longer you entertain a negative thought, the more it is going to stay in focus.  We are all human, and bad thoughts will enter our heads from time to time, but by being conscious of what you thinking about you can push them out of your head before they take you over.
Jumping to Conclusions Jumping to conclusions is a huge source of not only unhappiness but also anxiety for people.  Jumping to conclusions usually comes in one of two forms; Fortune telling and mind reading.
Fortune Telling is when a situation arises and you automatically predict that things are going to turn our poorly.  Because of this fortune telling, you often take yourself out of these situations, which for the most part would end in a great experience.  You lose out by having jumped to conclusions and predicting an unsatisfactory outcome.
Mind reading is when you automatically assume that others are negatively reacting to you or something you've done when there is no definite evidence.  This can and will make you feel like a victim and can result in unfounded resentment towards these imaginary reactions.[2]
Magnification Often times unhappy people have a tendency to blow small things out of proportion.  Take a step back before you deal with an issue and try to look at it objectively.  Often times if you try to take yourself and your emotions out of the equation and think it through you will realize that you are making a big deal out of nothing.  If you still aren't sure, ask somebody you trust what they would do in this situation before losing sleep over it. [2]
Minimization The exact opposite of magnification is minimization.  Minimization is when you take real problems and instead of dealing with them, tell yourself they are insignificant.  Unfortunately you can only sweep your problems under the rug for so long before they explode.  People tend to ignore problems like debt, infidelity, obesity amongst other things.  If this sounds like you, stop ignoring your ongoing problems, become actionable and take steps to fix them.  Much like grudges, you will feel much better once these problems have been resolved.[2]
Self Labelling How you talk to yourself can seriously affect your self image.  When you make a mistake, tell yourself "You made a mistake, next time you will do better".   Saying things like "You are an idiot", or "You are a piece of crap" does nothing but lower your self worth.  This might sound insignificant, but you need to believe in yourself to be happy, and calling yourself names prevents you from moving on after you've made a mistake.[2]
Not Having a Goal One of the most exciting things in life is setting a goal and accomplishing it.  Happy people have a tendency to make both short and long term goals.  Short term goals give you mini accomplishments that build self confidence and keep you motivated for the big picture.  These goals can be related to anything that is important to you. Fitness, finance and hobby related goals are examples of goals you can set immediately.  Successful people are constantly setting and accomplishing goals.  
While lack of ambition has a tendency to lead to mediocracy and limited emotional satisfaction,  unhappy people often set goals too.  The problem with unhappy people's goals, is they tend to be unachievable. One study shows[12] that people suffering from depression often set goals that they are incapable of accomplishing  When these goals don't come to fruition, negative self reflection begins.  For this reason, incremental goals are extremely important to build self confidence and positive reinforcement for the goal setter.  Start small, and build up steam, you are the only thing that stands in the way.
Worrying What Others ThinkSo many people spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to please others.  This generally stems from the insecurity that other people are judging them.  People do their hair a certain way, dress a certain way, and act a certain way in an attempt to fit in.  All these things take so much energy yet in most circumstances the people you are friends with would like you regardless if you did the things you do to try and impress them.  Stop doing things for other people and do things that make you happy. Go out with your hair a mess, wear a pair of torn up sweat pants in public and do it with a smile on your face.  Your friends will like you regardless and if you don't know somebody, why do you care what they think.
 Let Strangers Affect Your Mood The world is a scary place.  There are lots of pissed off people and people who want to drag you down to their level.  If somebody gives you the middle finger while driving, smile back at them and let them spend their energy being cranky. Don't let somebody else's bad day control the outcome of yours. If you have to deal with a grumpy person, kill them with kindness.  Often times your unfounded happiness will make them realize how big of a jerk they are being.
 Wanting more Money Money, everybody wants it, nobody seems to have enough of it; Or do they?  Most people think that if they had more money, their happiness would increase accordingly.  Unfortunately, much like "Waiting for the future" above, the illusion that more money will solve all your problems and make you happy is nothing more than just that, an illusion. According to a Princeton University study, emotional well being  and happiness does rise with income, but only to an annual household income of $75,000 [1].  If your household income is already over $75,000 it might be time to reevaluate your happiness, more money is probably not going to make you that much happier.